Lifes Rewards...

Today was a rough day. I'm running out of time and I feel so overwhelmed with everything. I only have a couple days left and I have NO idea how I'm going to fit all my crap in the van. Its times like these that I realize how OCD I am. I have to be organized. This house being such a mess is driving me insane. I thrive on structure. When it's gone, I fall apart. I need drugs. Ha ha.

We've had to say some tough 'goodbye's' and tomorrow will be my hardest one (besides our landlords). We're going to dinner with my best Iowa bud, Mindy. I swear we were separated at birth. She has been such a wonderful friend to me. We share the love of Iris and I will be giving her a start of every Iris I had in my yard (35 +) tomorrow. She's going to grow them for me and 'someday' when I have another yard, she will then give me starts. I love her to death and will miss her so much.

I totally lost it yesterday when I had packed up my entire closet and then realized I still had a few days before I even moved, and left nothing out to wear. Told you I need drugs! I sat on the bedroom floor and bawled. When I get overly stressed and overly tired, that is when the doubts creep in. Are we making a mistake? Are we going to fall on our faces and go under financially? Are we going to lose everything? These are legitimate questions. We really don't know if we will make it. Its all a HUGE risk. As I was going through some old books deciding whether to keep them or not, I came across a bookmark. It was called "Life's Rewards" and this is what it said...

"Unless we take a chance or two in order to begin, there's nothing we can hope to gain, no prize that we can win. We must accept uncertainty, must set our doubts aside, be brave enough to risk a loss or setback to our pride. We should not be afraid of change, nor be afraid to dare-- if we just take a chance life holds rewards beyond compare" By Emily Mathews.

I needed that.