And then it hit me....

Today was stunningly beautiful. It was unusually warm (in the 70's) so I took full advantage of it and spent nearly the whole day outside. I took my lawn chair, plopped it in the alfalfa field and just sat. I took in the view of a wind farm being constructed a few miles away and watched my landlord work the fields and wave each and every time he passed by me. Luckily I was upwind from him since he was spreading poop. Ha Hah!

All of my favorite things seemed to align today. Nothing but the sound of tractors and cows, squirrels jabbering and chasing each other in the pines, a flock of starlings passed by the farm and danced in the sky. As the sun began to set it was the most brilliant orange ball I've ever seen. Mixed with dust in the sky stirred up from the tractors in the fields, it produced something magnificent. As it disappeared behind the silo's, a flock of geese flew overhead.
It was magical... and then it hit me.

It hit me like a brick wall. The fact that all of this will likely be gone within weeks. My view will be different. The faces, places and sounds will be different. I will be alone, starting all over again. I'm tired of starting over. I was scared when I moved here to make friends because I knew this day would someday come, yet I hoped with all my might that it wouldn't. I sat and sobbed in the middle of the alfalfa field. It was almost as if they knew, as about 10 of the barn cats wandered out to the field and seemed to try to comfort me. It was the strangest thing in the world. Normally I would have shoo'd them off, but not this time. I may never see those little buggers again.

The hardest part was telling our landlords (our new grandparents) that we were most likely leaving. They literally had tears in their eyes. My landlord told me, "I wish you could have this house. Mom would have been so proud of how well you took care of this place" (This house was build for his mom). I wish I could too... this is my perfect place. He then proceeded to tell me that they will not be renting it out again because, "you just can't find good people like you and you might want to come back". I never in a million years would have guessed that we would have become so close to our 'landlords'. They are family to us, and us to them. I don't know how to say goodbye to them, and this place. I just don't know how...